Friday Morning Melancholy

I wake up on a rainy Friday morning. Get my son ready for school. We have a relaxing breakfast together at our cozy kotatsu, Japanese heated low table. We talk and argue as usual. Shortly after my son screams out that it is time for him to go and he disappears into the yellow bus and my working day begins. But not today. Today, I have a slight melancholy in my throat. I decide to sit down for a moment for my the second cup of coffee. Oh yes! The soul rejoices. It was a good choice! Oh but what is this? I have a melody, a bunch of elegantly clustered notes under my skull. It doesn't let me go! I turn on the computer and decide to search. I found it! And as soon as the voices sing "Bedziemy smucic sie starannie, bedziemy szalec nienagannie, bedziemy na przod nieslychanie..."  (We will be saddened carefully! We will be crazy to the perfection! We will push forward incredibly!) I am sold! There will be no house work done, no art work fulfulled! This is what fills my heart and soul! Stare Dobre Malrzenstwo!

If you are not Polish I don't blame you for not knowing the author of this poem nor the group that made this song almost an anthem of my young days.  I sang, quoted, and breathed this poem. Although very real and very sad, the words gave me strength and hope to move mountains. Such a small song yet leaves me paralysed that all I can do is sit there and think about my first year in high school where I met my good friend. We would walk around proudly with our guitars in order to find a perfect, secluded spot to play and sing our hearts out. We would usually find refuge in the staircases or empty hallways. Sitting down on the cold floor we would sing in two parts Stachura's poems. As we grew more unaware and more passionate about the words and melody, more people would pass by to listen. Oh my! It felt as if we had wings!! And even though a lot of people would not understand the strange language they asked what the songs were about. We would break our minds trying to translate and explain Stachura. But he is unexplainable! You must feel him. The measly translation that I did of his two sentences in the first paragraph of this post is hardly any translation. His poems are feelings. And very often immense feeling of sadness, loneliness, disappointment, yet there is so much power, love, sweetness and reality!

I felt so lucky to find a friend in Canada who would share my passion for the good old melancholy of a broken poet and his words. And now, when I am sitting here listening to it again with refreshed melancholy I think some kind of lack of something that leaves me with a hole all through my heart. I am trying to sing along with Stare Dobre Malrzenstwo, but I can't keep up. My thoughts and feelings rush through me like a crazy river. I choke on the words and brake down with sadness for something that is gone, something that has passed so fast that I almost missed it. Even for the black leather winter boots with a flower ornament at the front. (My friend knows what I am talking about)But even more so for the broken poet. Loved by all but understood by no one! He wrote down his empty spot in the heart so wonderfully that it cost him his life.

So this is what my rainy Friday looks like. I put on another album and sit some more in contemplation...I am so glad it came back to me today. What makes you stop your day and think?What makes you stop?

On Not Having Time

Once I heard a sermon about people saying that they have no time. The priest heavily criticised those who are saying it with regards to visiting their elderly, spending time with their children, praying/meditating, participating in causes that help others. I hear this expression so often that i think it has become our daily mantra, or if i can put it in more negative light, our daily mental venom. But do we really have no time? If I ask about the latest episode of America Can Dance or whatever is in right now, I would get a detailed answer about the recent developments. Therefore, it is not that we have no time for ourselves or our families. It is a matter of organisation and priorities, as my nephew rightly stated. I will just add that it is also about the will of doing it. We don't have time for things that are not important to us or of low priority. So stop and think, what activities surround your day?

We all have time. We just need to stop for breath and answer ourselves what is important to us. To me the world could be swept by a tsunami and the crevices in the crust of the Earth could be swallowing Downtown Toronto but my family is my absolute Number 1. There is always time for them. In fact to be to be a good person means to be able to dedicate myself to them and their well being. They complete me, they make me, they will always stand by me. A lot of peace and trust comes from this statement. After all there is only here and now! It is continuous or maybe infinite.

My One and Only, September 2018

And this recent piece I painted is reflecting that exact thought. I have finally finished my triptych. The family is now complete. I found time for that with pleasure!

Zdanowicz Family, 2018

If you or your family members need a portrait, please let me know. It makes an incredible gift for a birthday or anniversary. I am available and will paint a portrait in one week. I have very reasonable prices and will paint from a picture to save your time and make it easier if you are planning a surprise. I will ship your painting for additional price depending on the shipping rates.

Love and hugs! Don't forget! YOU HAVE TIME FOR EVERYTHING!