Every Mother Must Let Go

As many mothers before and many after me I have got a chance to taste this bitter flavour of letting go of a hand of my one and only son. I don't know what I was thinking when I thought that I would hold his hand forever and that he would proudly hold mine forever. But this year, on the first day of school, as we walked I saw that, although my son didn't say anything, he skillfully and tactfully avoided my hand. I didn't press for it nor I said anything. I simply put my arm around him, as if I was looking for support from him. I tried to have a fruitful conversation with him while my mind was fully preoccupied with the feeling of letting go of my baby boy and greeting of a teenage boy.

Grieving, I came back home and went straight to the kitchen drawer where I kept all the bento boxes, utensils and lunch boxes. I went through it and got rid of all dishes that had childish images. I didn't want to embarrass him. It came to me very naturally and in a very calm and contained manner. I wasn't hurt or sad. Just calm. Quiet. Aware and clear-minded. I have to admit, I had it going longer than some other mothers I have talked to. I was lucky. I am grateful for this extra time. I wonder how it was for my mamma. She had to let go of three children. Our age difference is so big that to me it seems she got to grieve three times. First, she let go of her oldest son and let him go away to a foreign country. Then, she had to leave her middle child behind in Poland when she left for Canada. Then, me, her only daughter. And I think I went with a big bang. She probably felt that her daughter would stay under her wing forever, when bang! I eloped. Then, another bang! I moved to Japan! Yikes!My mother is my hero! My hat is off! It is so interesting how your perspective changes as you become a parent yourself.

Donkey Smile, 2008. 122 x 91 cm

While we are talking about letting go of our children I would like to say that I am letting go of a few of my favourite paintings. They are my babies and they have hang on my walls a very long time. I think it is time to let them go and face the big, great world, and adorn other people's lives. So please let me know if you are looking for a painting for your walls. But first go two of my older babies. Price is negotiable. I will ship even to Antarctica if that is where you live.

Twirling World, 2008. 122 x 91 cm