Paradise Lost Bit by Bit

My son got really intrigued by a box that I was hiding for the last 9 years. Up until yesterday, my son said he was able to resist the curiosity. So I finally let him see what was in it. We have many of those boxes on our shelves. Some are with memories from Japan, some are with memorabilia from our travels, things from our past, and one is with keepsakes from my son's babyhood.

He sat down on the floor by the coach and opened it in Hollywood style, slowly with great care and suspense. So finally the angel from the box cover that was guarding the secret spilled the beans! My son took our each object from his past. There was a pit from his first solid food, avocado, a piece of the dried up umbillical cord/belly button that fell off, champagne cork from the time we celebrated his first New Year, and bags and bags with my son's baby teeth. I kept every single one of them. My son looked at me and said with a great confidence but not without a note of disappointment, "I knew it! I knew there was no Tooth Fairy! You are the Tooth Fairy!" We laughed, but right after that I fell like something was lost to me and to my son. Paradise lost perhaps. The world full of Good and fairies was fading from us? From now on there is only dry taste of adult rational ways? I hope not!

Today again, right before bedtime my son whispered to in my ear that he had found all his letters to Santar. So he knows there is no Santa?! I refuse to admit it to him. We argued half - seriously, half - jokingly. But at the end of it he made me feel all warm and happy when he said, "but I still want to write Santa a letter. Can we do it tomorrow?" YESSSSS! And thank you! At least I get to hold on to that tradition this one more year!

I want to finish this post with a memory that has been written down in a special notebook we have. There are my son's funnies and interesting words written down for future reference. We read it every once in a while. The last time was when my son found his box. Here go three of the notes, my personal favourites.

October 20th, 2012, Japan
There is a poplar way of expressing in Polish that you don't understand something. This is relating to that expression. I use it all the time.

Olo: Mama! It is not fitting in my head! It is very much not fitting in my head!

Then there is a long silence. I am stunned by how well he uses this expression. I wait for more. So after a while...

Olo: But Mama! What does it mean that it is not fitting in my head?

February 17th, 20013. Japan
We are coming back from one of our day trips. We are driving through Nagano mountains . It is already a dark night. My little one at the back is still not falling asleep. You can see he is thinking and looking through the window, observing the Moon.
Olo: Tata, how much does it cost to go to the Moon?
Tata: About 20 million dollars.
Olo: Oh! So we ALL can go!

October 19th 2012
The same Moon  over Japan but a different date.
Look Mama how the Moon is riding with us! How come He has no hands?

Happy Wednesday, my friends!

Childhood Unfulfilled Wish

I don't know why this came to my mind today. Actually I do know. I just realised. One of my friends told me about a picture from one of her Christmases as a child. She told me about this special kind of candy that people used to have, or rather not have ( I will explain) as children in the Communist Poland. They were called icycle. They looked just like them. Long, slim sticks of candy, wrapped in shiny, colourful wraps like nothing else in the Communist Poland, which made it much harder to resist for kids to steal from Christmas trees. They would hang there all holiday season if not hidden away for years and years to return to the ornament collection. Now when I look at it I understand how hard it was for our parents to get anything at the stored and make the season special. Therefore, grown ups just tried to extend the lives of these items as long as it was humanly possible.Because no one knew when one would have a chance to buy hem again. And so my friend remembers these icycle candy hanging there while it was strictly forbidden to take and devour. I had none of those on my tree as a child. And it was ok with me, but my god-mother had a full tree of them and she was usually generous to give me one or two each season. My personal favourites were the gold ones!

So here I am utilising my mental abilities to contemplate about unfulfilled childhood wishes. I remember very often before falling asleep I would lay in bed and think, and create scenarios on how wonderful it would be to have a power to freeze the world and people in time while I go around PEWEX and pick up some items essential to my childish happiness.  For those who have not grew up in Poland, PEWEX was a store owned by the government where you could buy foreign items with dollars or bony). My dear! Just think about all these amazing things like coke cans, Swiss milk chocolate, Lewis jeans, wool, peanut! All this in one store while Polish reality was 1/4 of rye bread and a slab of bacon/lard in a newspaper line up for fresh bun!  I don't think I was the only one to have these thoughts. And I am sure you would find a few grown up thinking the same thing!

I remember one summer when there was a carnival and circus in town. I was about 5-6 years old. My mom bought two tickets for us to go and see the show. I remember how incredible it all looked through the eyes of a child. Elephants that stank in their cages outside of the circus ten, people wearing colourful clothes, beautiful ladies pass me by and I wanted to be them, every one of them! And the most of all, I loved the places where you had to shoot to aim I you could win prizes. There was this one and only that I wanted. I remembered how hard my mom tried, my poor, beautiful and loving mom. But it didn't matter how much she loved me, she was not able to shoot so well to win this monkey puppet at the top of all the shelves. The ultimate prize! The prize of all prize that no one was able to win! Now I know it. But then, all I wanted was the monkey with a drum puppet with strings that moved it's arms and legs. At one point my amazing and innovative mother offered that she would just pay the attendant for the puppet but every time the attendant took me in his arms and over the counter to show him what i wanted I couldn't not see my monkey with a drum! And each time i came back to my mom's arms I could see it vividly! It was frustrating. Now I am thinking that it was probably much higher than me, blocked by a shelf, hence visible only from a distance.

You can imagine my disappointment when both my mom and the attendant got fed up with me and we just left the carnival. I cried all the way home. And then before falling asleep i lay in my bed thinking...yes! You guessed it. I thought how wonderful it would be to freeze the world and people and just jump on the shelves, grab my puppet and ruuuuuuuuuuun!

Today I don't remember if the monkey had drum plates or drum sticks in it's hands. But back them it was the top of my dreams. The unfulfilled childhood wish. Today, there is no more PEWEX, and a little monkey with a drum would not suffice. But you know, if i ever see that kind of puppet, you bet your shoes I will have it! And while it graces my top shelf, it will remind me of the importance of dreaming!

How about your childhood dreams. Dig deep. Go back to it? What was it? Did you fulfill it as a child? As an adult? Just for the sake of fulfilling a dream?

What Is Important in Life

Today I would like to think about things that make this dream called life worth living. I was prompted by a few of very important people in my life to think about it. When you stop and think, and list things that made you feel good in the last, let's say, 24 hours, you come up with things like this.

What makes life worth living:

1. A good conversation
2. Two or three friends that make you think about important things in life
3. A nice meal prepared with love
4. A good drink or two
5. Good memories
6. Compassion and understanding
7. Someone waiting for you
8. A well-mannered and loving pet
9. A warm home and a cozy evening on the coach
10. A moment of silence in peaceful meditation.

This is what one can come up with just on the spot. This is just things that I experience in one day. It doesn't get more important than this! Yesterday I had a conversation with my son about being rich and what it means. I explained that there is a very misleading concept of being rich in material things in today's society. To my son's incredible surprise, I told him that I was very rich because I had him and his dad as my life companions, I had a baggage of amazing memories and experiences, I had a small yet tight group of friends I would trust my life with, I had a warm home, amazing food not even daily but three or more times a day, I had winter boots,summer shoes, high heels, flip flops, clean water in the convenience of my tap, I had an amazing cat, furniture that I chose to have. But most of all, I had faith, hope and love.

What I wanted to convey to him was that all these things make me real enough to realise how much riches I have. I have all that is important in life. And the things I can wish for... well...I could wish for more encounters with real people. But it is a story for another post!

Have a Happy Wednesday!

On Being Wonderfully Different

I first moved to Canada at an unfortunate age. I came to Toronto at a transitional stage of a teenager. I tried to find myself, who I was, who I was not, who I wanted to become as an adult and boom! I found myself in the middle of the unknown land, unknown people, new identity.  All of a sudden me being a teenager and trying to find myself presented a whole new meaning. It was a brutal struggle and a battle but I got out of it in one piece, victorious. Thanks to many wonderful and kind people who helped me understand the world around me and to understand myself. So this post is about that point in my life.

I attended Lakeshore Collegiate on Kipling in Toronto. Immediately after enrolling I registered for ESL classes that I had to take. But it didn't take me long to figure out that since I had the freedom to choose my own classes I could finally dedicate my attention to arts and other wonderful things I enjoyed. I discovered that not only I was good at playing guitar but I could compose my own music! I took up keyboards. Not to mistake with keyboarding - typing, I studied how to play keyboards. I discovered that it was possible to play with two hands somewhat complicated pieces of music within two weeks if you study everyday! I took French, Visual Arts, and loads of history classes! I LOVED high school in Canada!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3UUWkr4FUlo
Van Morrison, Days Like This

One day my keyboarding teacher, nota bene, Mr. Morrison (!!!) who heavily resembled Sir "Van" Morrison, decided for the entire class to take a test on feelings and music. We listened to many pieces of music of different origin and genre. We were supposed to mark a feeling to each piece of music. The next day we got our results. I watched as Mr. Morrison gave out the results to all the classmates. At the end he came to my desk and said, "and here is your answer sheet. You got them all wrong. Which is ok. I don't want you to worry about this. But you didn't get even close to the right answer. This just means that you feel differently." It has been 27 years since that class at Lakeshore Collegiate. I have grown to understand that that I do feel differently. I learnt to feel happy and proud of it. And I to celebrate and respect every person. We all are wonderfully different and there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

Sketch for My Husband's Portrait, October 2017

So every time I get hurt, misunderstood, rejected, dejected, ignored or disrespected, my husband comes to me and with the softest voice he says, " they don't get that you are different, unique. They understand things in their own terms, however small or vague they are." It is good to hear these words. Really, they change my point of view and motivate me. They build me anew!
So the moral of this story is that it is incredible to be different. And you don't have to, you shouldn't have to change. You are not required to change to be understood and appreciated. You just need to find a person who does!!

Have a great week my friends!

Sayonara

"Only death is perfect. It never happens imperfectly!" I heard it recently from the lips of Sadhguru. He is so right. The rest cannot possibly be perfect but it only can strive to do its best and fulfill its highest potential. And so we, the travellers in this journey called life, remain to strive to do our best for the rest of our days.

The 70's in our family

I am contemplating about issues of death and remaining because today my family has said goodbye to a very dear person. If I were to describe my memory of her i would use words like concerned about others, angelic, beautiful, gentle, giving, embracing, understanding, cheerful, tactful and did I say beautiful? She had a sweet soft voice and a great smile. I always looked at her from a distance and thought: "she is such a beautiful and graceful woman!"  And now this beautiful and graceful woman is gracing the spheres where angels and the Highest drink elixir of everlasting life. I think the scale has tilted irreversibly towards our disadvantage. Heavens vs Earth. We are loosing this race of  having the best people on our side. They are going too fast! But is has to be good there since nobody ever came back! So my favourite poem comes to mind again. Spieszmy sie kochac ludzi, tak szybko odchodza... Let's hurry to love people. They go away too fast...She has left us to meet her husband who was a very charismatic persona himself. I remember the last words he said to me. I was sitting in a car, driving away. He stood on the side of his driveway. He waved at me and said, "SAYONARA."  Today they sit together again hand in hand, soul to soul. They way I see them is on a boat that is floating on a very calm water. They sit together and slowly sip rum and coke. I see them smiling in perfect comfort and contentment...

We are left here without them. But we are not alone. We still have those around us to love, to cherish, to take care of, to hug, listen to and shower with attention. Ciocia and Wujek are still here with us, in our hearts and minds. Their lives in this world remind us to love the ones who remain with us.
My thoughts and prayers are with ciocia's immediate family. Her children, grandchildren, family and friends will have a hard time to fill the void. But we go on in hope to meet one day on that boat where they give out the best rum and coke you can find...Sayonara!

Close Encounters - Friday

I was sitting at Starbucks with a very good friend of decades enjoying a nice conversation and a cup of coffee. The story was very enticing and intriguing. My hands were in the air, my voice was loud, my friend was listening to me without a word when I said, "Yesterday..." All of a sudden there was a voice that repeated my 'yesterday', but in a more melodic, softer tone. I knew that tone. I looked at my friend's lips. They were not moving. I looked beyond the visible and commanding barriers of Starbucks. There was an older man in shabby clothes and a homemade walking stick. But he was wearing the most genuine smile ever which made him a beautiful, almost angelic person! I knew that melody he was repeating my 'yesterday' with so I made a quick decision to finish it for him and with him. We both sang,"Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away..." His lyrics was more guessed and mumbled, mine more pronounced. How could I ever forget this song. I sang it about a million times when teaching in Japan. You see, before any English class starts in Japan, students sing a song to practice and listen to how English words sound.  I think it is a great idea especially that it gives the students a bit of a culture dimension as well. But why does it have to be The Beatles song so often? I don't know. I remember singing Back Street Boys, Lady Gaga, Katie Perry, Stevie Wonder, The Carpenters, Mike Oldfield and Maggie Reilly. Yes! The good old times. It was fun when my partner in crime, creme de la creme ATL, my bestie and a co-worker, and I tried to reenact the meanings with our body language. I remember those teenagers getting a kick out of it. Good old times!

Kawase Festival, 2013

The man on the outside smiled in surprise that I knew. He stopped, leaned on the fence and began a friendly conversation. It was not about the politics, the money or rather the luck of it, the weather,  Donald Trump or like. He went full throttle, "Which of The Beatles is the best, my ladies?" Yikes, the man asked a hard question but we tried to tackle it anyway. My friend went with forever cute Ringo. I chose George Harrison for his Electric Light Orchestra and Traveling Wilburys work. But the man didn't not appreciate our originality. He made it clear that the best one of them, in his mind was undisputedly, the one and only, John Lennon.

My Daily Photography, Brickworks, October 2017

People don't talk about what is important anymore! We waste time on discussions about others and things that have very limited meaning to us. But what is ours, our feelings, opinions are being neglected. This conversation was such a nice break. I feel hoisted back to what is true and real. All thanks to this old man, and my loud and accidental 'yesterday'. I wish you all a lot of moments like that, my dear friends! Have a Happy Monday!

A Story with a Red Fox In It

A few days ago my son and I visited Royal Ontario Museum. We have a family pass so we go there every once in a while and visit one exhibition at a time. The last time we visited the Natural History corner with all the animals, insects and the story of fauna and flora. When we got to the part where they nicely displayed a beautiful orange fox of Northern Ontario I had a story to tell. My son listened carefully because after all it was his story as well.

In October of 2008 my husband and I decided to take a vacation. I had to take it that late because at that time I worked for Global Village Toronto and summers were and still are the busiest time of the year. No one was allowed to take vacation from June til September. In October, when the leaves changed colours and the temperatures went down considerably, it was my turn to get some time off.

I had arranged for with my brother to drive us to the Algonquin Park, leave us there for a week, and then come to pick us up. It was supposed to be a nature powered, freeing and relaxing time. Especially...especially because I was 8 weeks pregnant! We didn't tell a living soul, knowing that our families would not allow me to go on such a trip in that state. The plan worked perfectly. We Arrived at Mew Lake Campground in Algonquin. It was one of the smaller camps, but it had yurts and nice surroundings. There was a lot to do and see. We pitched our tent right by the lake, but also, not to far from the washroom, etc, etc. At breakfast and dinner we would feed birds right out of our hands. They would fly in and sit on us. Deer was not too shy. We were able to sneak up on then during our walks. The nights were truly arctic though. We would wake up with frost and ice on the inside of our tent but the sleeping bags kept us nice and toasty as long as we kept our noses in them.

Every day we tried to venture in on the shorter trekking trails. On one of those walks, at the Pewee Lake, we spotted a shy moose that disappeared leaving only tracks for us to photograph.  You could sense how the nature was getting ready for the deep sleep.  Another trek that we took, and that I remember so well, was a short walk that ended at a small lake on the Two Rivers Trail. I don't remember now but it could have been Bat Lake. It was a peaceful,  place with a small deck going into the lake. I remember we stood there for the longest time looking at the view. We admired the silence and the stillness of the water. We enjoyed the company of some birds trying to get into my cookie, so I shared. Then we stood in silence some more. I remember thinking about my baby that was inside my belly patiently waiting. We were all present waiting patiently for something. And it was a perfect place and time to contemplate on that topic.

When the time was up, the silence was beginning to overwhelm, and the pregnant woman got hungry. We turned around to leave when we noticed a beautiful orange fox on the other end of that deck. What an explosive moment it was! Was it a message of some sort? Was he bringing us some good news? The three of us stood in stillness for a good minute, simply looking at each other. I bet our hearts were racing as fast as our minds.  And as on that day at ROM, I told my son the end of that story, "the fox took a looooong look at daddy, me and then at my belly, because that fox knew you were there. He gracefully turned around its gorgeous tail and jumped off the deck. And he disappeared into the woods of Algonquin park."

8 weeks pregnant in Algonquin

I don't have heroic stories of war and saving private Ryan, but I think this is as good story to tell your son as any, don't you think?


'In Native American folklore, fox animal symbolism deals with two interpretations. One perspective (Northern tribes) observes the fox as a wise and noble messenger. The other (Plains tribes) views the fox as a trickster playing pranks, or worse - luring one to demise.

The fox encourages us to think outside of the box and use our intelligence in different, creative ways. The fox also brings us a message to try to approach our circumstances differently that we normally would. Be aware of some of our habits, and try a different angle of action.

The fox is also a reminder that we must utilize all of our resources (seen and unseen) in order to accomplish our goals. Sometimes this means calling upon some unorthodox methods. Furthermore, the fox is a sign to be mindful of our surroundings.Phenomenally effective shapeshifters and incredibly adaptable, the fox beckons us to not make too many waves but rather, adapt to our surroundings, blend into it, and use our surroundings (and circumstances) to our advantage.'  

http://www.whats-your-sign.com/fox-animal-symbolism.html

People Will Never Learn

Here is a thought: Why did people like Tesla, Van Gogh die in poverty? Both geniuses were not recognised during their lifetime. Both wanted to give their art and knowledge to the world that did nothing to cherish their talents but ridiculed, manipulated and ignored them. Why did I come to think about that? Recently, there has been a lot of talk about employment, resume and hiring techniques. I learned that very often when you send your resume in reply to an internet posting you must beat something called ATS to make it into human hands. This computer system sieves through all the applications by eliminating the ones that have the least of those who have applicable terminology. In other words, if you are a genius but use your own words to describe your talents, the computer will sent your resume into inner space, a black hole, eternal nothing. No matter how good you are, qualified for the job, and experienced you will not get the job. Your originality, ability to generate genius ideas mean nothing to the computer.

Brickworks Genius of the Past

My question is, are the hiring managers not afraid that they will miss the best person for the job? The  future's Gogh? My husband rushed to respond: "Yes! They humans will never learn! We are willing to take that risk! The best is not important because our own jobs, once conquered they become just jobs, means to an end. Also, we become like computers. We all begin to act like computers. As long as numbers add up, the machine works well.

Genius of Nature (can you see it?)

I am out of words. I hope this changes quick. Just think about it all the potential in the world that we could be aborting! Can you imagine the world without  art of Vincent Van Gogh? Inventions of Nicola Tesla? Then turn the coin. Think of the world we would have if people like Van Gogh and Tesla were recognised and celebrated during their life times? How much more interesting this world would be if they were given a chance to show their fullest ability? I know! I am a dreamer. A romantic. But hope and dreams five birth to something incredible!

Prescription for Everyday

We have so much to be grateful for. But there is something else that two wonderful women have pointed out to me recently. It is very important to see yourself in a positive light. To see what is good and strong about yourself. Most of us come from a culture that condemns self adoration and self-recognition. It is seen as a distasteful and improper behaviour to recognise that we are good at something and that our strengths overpower our shortcomings. I am not saying that being self-centred
and egocentric is a positive thing. However, we need to find a moment to see what skills and positive characteristics there are in us.

Finally finished self-portrait, September 2017

Stand tall every morning and look at yourself in the mirror. See the beautiful and wonderful person that you are. Acknowledge your skills intelligence and knowledge. See yourself through eyes of your friends and co-workers and you will see how giving and friendly you are. You will see a person that everybody relies on because they know how smart, funny, and skillful you are. They know that whatever the task might be you will manage it and succeed. They know the beautiful and gentle you.

My friend, you are inspiring me to be a better person. You bring out the thinking woman that should be ambitious, skillful and quick. You make me feel special and bring out all the best qualities in me for which I am indebted to you forever. Because of you I survived some of the toughest trials in my life. You carry me and others like me in your life on your shoulders. And sometimes it gets very heavy, yet you say nothing. You go on! Amazing you! Persistent, understanding, strong, faithful friend. Weather your hair is red, black or blond, you are always beautiful and elegant. You are like a warm spring sunny day that carries your name! The world without you would NOT be the same.

We ourselves are our own biggest enemies and the toughest critics. We are ruthless and cruel to ourselves. We dismiss our superlatives and ignore potential. Stop I say! Look, listen, feel and smell if you have to! Open your eyes and your heart to the new supersonic You! Apply this twice a day everyday for as long as needed. And this is the truth you should know and adopt in your heart.

Have a happy Tuesday!

To the Loo at Bentley Bar and Inn

It was a good day that ended on a nice patio with some of the top notch culinary experience. The company was amazing and the topics were light and entertaining. Most of all the three ladies had fun exchanging their views that most of the time ended with an echoing "Yeah! That is exactly what I think!" They sat there enjoying their wine and observing as groups of people marched to make it on time to the theatre. Ahhh yes! You could smell it everywhere around town! Shakespeare was in the air, earth and water!

But wine finished, the restaurant was about to close for the night so the ladies left the establishment. They walked along the main street. Every now and then they stopped to admire and point out interesting window displays. When they got to the towns souvenir shop they had to stop. One particular shirt caught their eye and captivated their minds. The would pick a phrase from a shirt in the window and scream it out for their amusement and others' annoyance. But it was not about the others that night!It was entirely about three girls having fun! "Out with his head!", "(Jealousy is) a green - eyed monster", "Good Riddance!", "Break the ice", " Come what come may", "Dead as a doornail", "It was Greek to me". It was fun and naughty in an innocent way! They kept walking in search of coffee. Their path led them to a bar with opened doors and windows. They just wanted coffee but when they saw a live bad getting ready to play, they ordered a pitcher of beer and stayed. One must not refuse a live band entertainment! RoadWolves fulfilled their expectations! Maybe next time they play P.J. Harvey perhaps?

https://photos.google.com/u/3/photo/AF1QipP_ppJd_D7M0wCGth0kO0L_a5WeyETSooif0l2k

One of the ladies spotted a sign. It was hard to miss as it was a neon sign on the edge of the wall pass the nook where the band played. But look again and they saw another sign on the left side of the place "TO THE LOO." It is always comforting to know where to go when you need to go. Especially when you need to go TO THE LOO!

In the loo there was no shortage of princesses that fixed each others' crowns and affirmed each others' God-given talents and gifts. An eternal atmosphere of female positive energy and friendliness. Ahhh what a night! WHAT A NIGHT! A night divine!

The only thing better than a night like this is a night like this with a sober driver, two passengers singing their hearts out to the tunes of Brathanki, and a sky full of stars! And that is exactly what they got! I am tipping my crown to you Ladies of the Ring!

Feeling Grateful Again today

So it seems all my experiences and instances that I have witnessed in my life have a lot to do with the things I am grateful today. All the poverty, distress, hunger, dirt, lack of hope and possibilities I have seen in countries of the third world shaped my soul and made my feel very fortunate for all I have. All the beauty, goodness and grace I have witnessed in Canada, Japan and other countries Europe made me open my eyes and realise how lucky I have been to be able to see it and live through it. So here goes another 50 things I am grateful for.

51. For all the peaceful and unhurried breakfasts with my son on the school days.
52. For all the happy family breakfasts with my husband and son on weekends.
53. For coffee and good company to drink that coffee with
54. For all the girls nights out
55. For comfortable evenings with my husband
56. For time to get my nails done
57. For all good BBC detective stories that engage me so much
58. For all talented stand up comics
59. For internet radio
60. For light in our home
61. For faith that my parents gave me
62. For white sand and all the shells
63. For cloud weather
64. For warm autumn walks in the park
65. For driving trips
66. For lazy weekends
67. For Nuit Blanche
68. For family Christmas get togethers
69. For Santa Claus and tooth fairie
70. For Halloween
71. For yummy deserts and cakes
72. For nice pens and paints
73. For good memories from childhood and friends that still keep in touch and care
73. For all the kind and helpful people that crossed my path. I owe so much to you
74. For having a good place to live
75. For all the cards my son made for me
76. For  nice pottery in my green cupboard
77. For sour cream gelato in Roma
78. For ability to walk far and good shoes
79. For my bike
80. For kotatsu in winter
81. For comfortable silences with understanding people
82. For all drawings from my son
83. For all knives in the kitchen that my husband sharpened for me
84. For all the nice kids in the park that play with my son
85. For swimming lessons for my son for which I was able to register
86. For yoga and meditation
87. For my "super extra the best" rice cooker my mom gave me for my birthday
88. For having the need for art in my life
89. For my blog
90. For my husband helping me with technical problems
91. For my friend giving me ideas for my blog
92. For dance classes and a wonderful teacher for my son
93. For my son's beautiful and graceful dance partner
94. For feelings of pride and admiration at the dance competition
95. For an opportunity and privilage of being a mother
96. For an financial flow. Always short but always managing to live with dignity 
97. For having good friends that catch me when I am fall...in cycles
98. For fridge full of food
99. For all the problems that always work our
100. For having God in my heart

I feel lucky to be the person I am today and that I have what I have and know whom I know. I guess I have done something right in the previous life to deserve it. I love life with all my might!

Today I am meeting two of my good friends. They are wonderful women that keep me sane and keep the stakes very high for me. They are so smart and beautiful inside out. I keep looking up to them. I am grateful for them!

Have a wonderful weekend, friends! And don't forget tomorrow all night we get to enjoy Nuit Blanche! I call it my Christmas! Merry Nuit Blanche, friends! Come out and enjoy it even for a quick moment. Choose one or two projects and go see it. You never know, you could find something to be grateful for.

Feeling Grateful

Today I read that if you are thankful for your gifts first thing in the morning you are more likely to lose weight because of your positive outlook. So here goes at least 3 lb. of my body! The first 50 things I am thankful for this morning NOT in order of importance because they all are important and neccessary in my life:

1. For my travels in the past, present and the future
2. For being able to live in Japan for 11 years
3. For being able to experience life as a teacher
4. For being healthy
5. For being able to hear, see touch, smell, listen, and taste and feel
6. For Jazz24
7. For wine
8. For my wonderful mother and father
9. For my brothers and that are always there when I need them
10. For my heart and soul, my husband
11. For my incredible, inventive and artistic son
12. For genuine friends that surround me and appear like good angels when I need them. You know who you are. If not call me and I will personally explain why i am grateful for you! I know I know, I don't say thank you enough!
13. For being able to paint and draw
14. For colours
15. For all the wonderful food I can eat freely
16. For clean water in my tap
17. For being able safely walk on the streets without fear
18. All all these fifty billion of material things that I own
19. For Ste. Sault Marie
20. For all the trips to the sea
21. For all the shells i have that bring good memories
22. For God and Angels and Archangels above guiding me every day
23. For dancing and music
24. For my family that I have not mentioned in points 8 - 12
25. For wonderful teachers I had. I hope my son will say the same one day!
26. For IKEA
27. For Social assistance that allowed me a few times to admit my weakness and boost me to go on.
28. For amazing doctors who always keep me and my family in good shape.
29. For medicine that I can afford
30. For fresh fruit in the summer
31. For a free swimming pool
32. For Niagara Falls. An amazing place whichever way you look at it!
33. For Stratford and the theatre
34. For live bands
35. For beer and rum
36. For being able to visit Cuba
37. For gin and tonic
38. For crayons and other art supplies that i can freely afford to buy
39. For all the furniture I have
40. For soap and all toiletries
41. For shoes and nice clothes
42. For internet that keeps me close with my friends abroad.
43. For being able to afford internet, phone and all other high tech things
44. For my well mannered and talkative cat - Cheecciolina
45. For work that my husband has and the ability of supporting this family
46. For my balcony and the plants on in.
47. For the green thumb that my husband has
48. For all the designated drivers in my life
49. For freshly baked bread and the smell of it
50. For ability to sleep in clean sheets every night. Some don't have that comfort!
 To be continued...

This activity works so well when you are too busy to realise how lucky you are to have all the comforts in your life. Just think about it. Make a list of your own. I dare you my friend. Take out that pen and paper and start writing. My goal is to reach all 100 by tomorrow morning.  Go ahead! It will make you feel like a millionaire, the next genius of technology, the next most popular person in entertainment industry!

Cats Purr like Binural Beats

Last night me and my tortoise shell cat Cheecciolina relaxed on the couch while watching "Wallander" series. The rest of the home was fast asleep while we enjoyed the atmosphere of the movie. Cheecciolina was purring so loud that she overshadowed my interest in the movie and Kenneth Branaugh! I decided to put my ear to her belly. It was so loud and so comforting at the same time. That moment brought a thought to my mind. A Cat's purr has the same effect as binural beats used for depression! I couldn't stop myself from smiling. I stayed like that for a while until she raised her head in protest, mind you, still purring out loud! I couldn't believe myself when I turned to her and said, "Thank you for that, Cheecciolina!" Inspired by that moment I decided to paint.

Are cats angels sent from Heaven to keep us sane? There is certainly something spiritual about them as rightly ancient Egyptian noticed that they deserve high esteem and reverence. They can be wild, ferocious, untamed. But they are always graceful, hypnotic and royal. Hats off to the goddess Bastet, half woman and half cat!

Have a Purrrfect day, friends!

Ladies of the Ring

Ladies of the Ring is not entire my idea for this post. But I thought that it was so smart and so well suited that I have decided to used it and make it mine for a second. Thank you friend!

So this last Saturday I had a day off. Me and two other incredible women decided to run away where Shakespeare's words decorate T-shirts and the "old" has a value. That is how this getaway came to be "Getting a New Ring Party" and we became ladies of the Ring. There was a healthy dose of merriment, singing, dancing and good food. But most of all there was a lot of sincere comradery and acceptance. There is always a rise of something highly intellectual and powerful in such atmosphere.

Objects carry our energies. They also carry energies from the past owners. There is always a scent of mystery and magic in their presence. Hence, they can make us happy or make us sad. They can suck the life out of us. But at the same instance there is a possibility that they can inspire us to do greater good. I am convinced there was no accident that we stopped at that antique store by the side of the road and were drawn to that case full of rings. One orange, one green and one blue. Perfect! Ladies, thank you for making that night so magical! The world was our oyster!

Witch Hunt

Long long time ago there were women that were very progressive and free thinking. They had their own opinions and were not afraid to make decisions for themselves. This type of radicalism was very inconvenient and incomprehensible to some powerful big boys of that time. It is a proven fact that even today we fear and want to accuse as bad and evil that which is outside of the box. So these powerful people full of insecurities about their intelligence and status found an easy way of getting rid of the witches using religion. These women were accused of black magic, heresy and witchcraft, maybe even murder. In consequence, they died a horrible painful death by burning! Sad to say, but today we still burn at the stake that which is free thinking, creative and non-mainstream. And very often we burn them because we want to make up for our own insecurities and flaws.

I held out my hand to the good old buddy of mine that I listen to, yet often take him with a grain of salt, Mr. Wikipedia. According to thee, the first major witch hunt took place in Germany in 1563 as recorded. Then, after the reformation it grew and spread all over Europe where "witches" were tied up and burned alive for "True and Horrifying Deeds!"!!!!!! True and horrifying deeds!!!! Gosh it sounds so familiar! We do it now, today, to people that we deem as different and foreign or too intelligent for their own good!! We see them as having demonological almost ideas, just as back then! I guess what I am trying to say here is that we should try and understand people, especially those that are different from the mainstream. They might bring some incredible enrichment and a certain Eureka once we realise that we all come from different walks of life, hence, our characters and likes, ideas and creative outputs differ because of different from ours experience. Do I make sense? For example, kids that are raised on a farm and/or with limited TV time and IPAD/IPOD and even I-flower-pod will seek real life experience and will experiment with whatever tools are at hand. They will play with mud, piece of stick, they have loads of energy, express their emotions freely and seek real human interaction. They differ from the main stream kids who spend hours on TV, computer games, IPADS, etc. They look like zombies when they engage in these activities and they look like zombies when they get off them, because they dream of being on electronics. They lose touch with reality and real life. They get bored easily with real life scenarios and they seem lifeless. So obviously, you will make your judgement, the medieval kind of judgement. You will burn at the stake that first child without trying to understand. I will stop there and let you think about this. But I think, if you are reading my blog you already know about this and maybe even share my view.  So the last thing I will say is that is it truly evil to make judgements, and it is even greater evil to spread it because that hurts people concerning. And in the end it might hurt the inquisitors because Karma is a bitch! A real, smart, all knowing bitch! It might seem she is a quiet, little naive girl. But she is there, taking notes!

So have mercy on them witches my friends! Understand them. Love them! Let them grow! And most importantly, don't judge them!

CHeers! Love you all for being you!

Happiness - 25 Ways To Live Joyfully Through Art

Yes, this is my recent obsession. This book is a bright beacon in the foggy, rainy night and you cannot find safe land to dock your ship. It is written by Christophe Andre. Absolutely uplifting and full of wonderful art inspired by happiness. This morning I enjoyed its wonderful motivation and meditation while sitting on my balcony and enjoying a nice cup of coffee. So here is one thought that stirred my mind this morning.

"Love does not express itself solely through the fusion of two people, but also in shared action and construction, in making a way through life together."

Wow! This is really good. Then, Monsieur Andre goes on explaining the philosophers' point of view on Love. According to the book there are three types of Love: Eros, Philia and Agape.  The first one is a romantic infatuation that we go through when we first fall in love. The gazes, the hugs, hands held, the kisses. The second one is less physical, but not excluding desire, it involves satisfaction and joy through friendship, sharing and companionship. The last one is the most difficult. It is a love unconditional. Love for all. Not a single expectation. Turning the other cheek when love calls for it. However, many people fail right there because as animals, we have more self-preserving instinct. And if one or both in the relationship are not ready to give without the need of overwhelming and over-powering that is when a relationship falls into ruin instead of building and learning from mistakes.

"We need to leave Eros behind and move towards Philia, and then Agape. This is the lesson that takes us from love to happiness in concentric circles, as we gradually move away from ourselves and open up in order to give."

Wow! He figured it all out! Why don't they teach it to kids! This would save people a lot of money on  marriage counsellors, divorces and separations! There would be much less of that, hence hatred in marriages. Which brings me to a very special poem a friend of mine posted on FB this morning.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yHjCW5nYmGg

This love thing is as old as the world and we still haven't figured out how to nourish and cherish it.
Keep loving my friends! Love will keep us alive! Happy labour Day weekend!

Mama's Pride and Joy

A few weeks ago my son and I went to our friendly local convenience store - Milk Mart. We went there to make some copies of planes from an aviation book that my son never parts. I stood behind shelves by the photocopier but I could hear a commotion by the counter. It was about my son. An older lady was talking to the shop keeper asking something about my child. Naturally, I got interested and went towards them to investigate. I walked and thought that "this better be positive because at this point I am not prepared to fight older ladies at the friendly local Milk Mart!" Indeed, I couldn't have wished for a better reply. The store keeper informed me that the woman was asking who the little boy's mother was. He quickly pointed to me. The lady made a few steppes closer to me and said," I just want you to know that your son is most likely the best raised and the best mannered boy in the neighbourhood! He is extremely thoughtful and always says his greetings and thank yous. So whatever you are doing you are doing so well! Congratulations." She had no idea how much it meant to me! She not only made my day, my week, my year. But probably she made my decade! I finished copying all the pictures with air planes from the book, paid and I twirled out of the store like a proper proud mama should!

A few days after that another older lady stopped me on the street. We always meet her on the street with her two little miniature puddles. She complemented my son on his manners. I admit, I always take time to explain to him the importance of appropriate respect that is owed to older people. This lady could not believe that such a small boy could be so polite and respectful. She also admired how he always walks with me holding his mama's hand. I have to say that he is growing up now and begins to question the necessity of that ritual. But I just tell him that this is how you walk with a person that you love and care for...in case they fall or something of that sort. Besides it is automatic that the person you care for is also the person that you cannot let go! It works every time! I hope he always holds my hand...in case I trip or so! My perfect little man! A gentleman!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fa44VcnMxnk

I know, I know. I need to get with the program. I understand that I will have to eventually let go of his hand and let another girl hold him. But I am just saying that I am not ready yet. Not today, not tomorrow, not this or next year!! And I don't care who know it!

Can You Spare a Square?

I walk into the Gulf Shore Campground's ladies' washroom. Sit down and make myself comfortable. I get ready to go, when suddenly I notice that there is not an inch of toilet paper. I am sure you all can associate with that sudden anxiety. But I hear a woman in the stall next to me. I decide to take action! I do not waste time on hesitation and ask for help. The lady is very nice and kindly shares a few squares with me. Automatically, I love her for her humanity!

That evening I go to the washroom to wash salty air off my face. I recognise the shoes in the area by the sink. It is that same lady who saved my life this morning! Naturally I decide to strike a conversation and thank her again. As we both complete our evening hygiene routines we have a friendly chat. I glance at her. She is a women in her fifties. Pale skin, fragile, my height. It is hard to miss a scarf on her head. It is hiding her head from the signs of chemotherapy. In my mind and heart I wish her all the best and lots good health. My wishes flow from the deepest and the warmest parts of my heart. Really, I am thinking that it is unfair and that it only happens to the kindest of us!

I say, "Thank you for this morning. You really saved me there!" She turns to me and smiles. " Ah! It was you? Do you ever watch Seinfeld? At first, I wanted to say 'no! I can't spare a square' to you. But my second thought was that you might misunderstand if you are not familiar with Seinfeld. So I didn't. I didn't want to offend." We both smile. I assure that I am familiar with Elaine's predicament. We both have a good laugh about the square to spare. She tells me how she and her daughter often reference Seinfeld. I promise her to go back to watch the episode in question. We part as friends.

Photography is a Blessing.

Photography, cameras, pictures. They stir opinion, convey information, teach new facts. They also freeze moments in time. Bring back memories of things, places, times, people that are long gone from your "now". The only downfall of it is that it cannot actually bring back the past and roll it out again into reality. Therefore, they create a lot of melancholy. But I will take it any day over forgetfulness and ignorance of fleeting time.

I look at pictures from the Sea of Japan. It seems like yesterday that we were sitting in warm sea water like two little girls. Our bums in water, legs out stretched in front. We were stirring sand with our fingers and fishing out beautiful stones. We were having our sincere, truthful, heart-to-heart girl talk. Honesty was truth, and truth set us free. It felt like "two princesses fixing each other's crowns".

Then, I remember how we drove to the nearest shop by the sea. You were stirring the wheel and I was navigating my "to the left! To the right!" Driving teenager style. I am smiling when I write this. That weekend camping on the beaches of Niigata and Yamagata should not go away forgotten. I remember because of this one picture. I love photography. I don't know why you came back to me today...maybe it was that solar eclipse...I don't know. I miss you, friend!

Back from Vacation

Sunday morning I washed off the rest of the Atlantic breeze. I watched how red sand from the Nova Scotia beaches ran down the shower floor and disappeared into dungeons of the drain system. All I have left is faint bits and pieces of sun kisses on my skin. I feel like the best moments of the summer have passed already. As if we left them in Pugwash, Nova Scotia. We lost them in our footprints on the ocean floor. What do I do now? How is it even possible to beat that!

I think I should grab my son's hand and hide from radars and sonars for a day. The subway or metro will give us refuge that we need now. TTC take us somewhere safe and kind! Somewhere where we can survive the tragic "coming back from vacation" syndrome without losing our sanity.
Happy Monday, friends!